if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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