For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
