I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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