so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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