I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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