Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
