I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
