I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
