I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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