Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish you could order shots online.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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