You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
