i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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