Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
