do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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