I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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