He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
