Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
