i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
