Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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