two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
