I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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