Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
