I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
...so i touched it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
