it wasn't lemon gatorade
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
