She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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