she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
We smell like vodka and hangover
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