Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
