That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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