YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
