sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
