So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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