he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
