I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
