saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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