Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
