im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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