She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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