Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
