I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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