my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
