my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
They are going to name an STD after you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize