Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
ttyl tear gas
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize