R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
