I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I look better un-naked...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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