You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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