Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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