The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
