There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
God, I missed his penis.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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