He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
