420 ftw
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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