So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
