next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize