Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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