I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
