he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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