but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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