FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
