I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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