I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
