He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
