oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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