Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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