You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
