Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
