Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
