Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
