im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
