Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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