If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
